Over the past six weeks, I have being doing the Body For Life program, in a highly overdue project to regain my physical fitness. I was hungrily looking forward to gaining something that resembles pectoral muscles, and maybe develop “abs,” instead of my former, singular “ab.”
But, man, this process takes way longer than I thought.
Of course, the lack of seeing the results that I want to see doesn’t diminish the glimpses of progress I occasionally do witness, usually the morning after I get back from working the upper body, when my muscles have a little more blood pumping through them. I hear we males have this “issue” anyway, where we look in the mirror and almost always think that we’re pretty much the bomb-dot-com. I don’t know why that is — maybe it’s physiological, or some kind of DSM-IV category — but suffice to say that I rarely have a less-than-glowing review of my reflection ready to print.
Kinda full of myself, I guess.
I’d never really thought about that phrase before this morning: “full of myself”. I mean, really thought about it. But this morning, for whatever reason, I was keenly aware that I was entirely full of myself, in the “no room for anything else” sense.
And that bothered me.
I don’t want to be so crowded with myself that I cannot even find room for others in my margins. I don’t want my world to be filled with clones of me. I don’t want my bus to be standing room only. I don’t want to be filled to the brim of nothing but me, me, me.
I want to be able to give, generously and passionately.
But who would even want what I have to give? Someone I consider to be very wise once said that we do and say is actually just a reflection, an extension, of what’s going on inside us. So, if that’s the case, who’s going to want more of me: sick and ugly and only taken with, well, me?
I’m fairly certain that swallowing too much narcissism will make us throw up; maybe a little regurgitation is exactly what I need. Maybe I can fill up on something else.
Advice For New Parents: Prepare Yourself For A Sh*tload Of Advice by Josh Allan Dykstra on January 23rd, 2014
Learning To Say No To Good Things by Josh Allan Dykstra on April 9th, 2013
Age Has Nothing To Do With How Old You Are by Josh Allan Dykstra on May 5th, 2010